Shortly after I shared the antics of Hobbes, the cross-training kitten, my mom went into the hospital. About a week later, she came home on hospice care. Three weeks after that, she passed away.
Hobbes the emotional support chaos gremlin.
Layer that on top of starting a new job, and my running routine promptly fell off the dreadmill. I didn’t have the time or the energy to put into a workout, even though I know running helps with stress relief.
Knowing something helps and being able to do the thing that helps are two very different animals.
To be fully honest, I’m still in that place.
Right now, all I really want to do is hibernate at home. Part of that is the weather. Old Man Winter is being an old man jerk this year.
But the honest truth is that even if the weather were perfect, I’d still be struggling to run at the moment.
So I’m learning to give myself the same grace I extend so freely to everyone else.
It’s harder than it sounds.
Every now and then, Garmin Brain pipes up to remind me that I passed my running coach certification, so therefore I should always want to run. This is shenanigans, and I am not buying it. Yes, I passed the certification, but nowhere in the ethics agreement I signed did it say I must feel motivated at all times or risk having my running card revoked.
I know grief ebbs and flows. It’s only been about three weeks since I lost my mom, so I have to keep that perspective.
I also know that sometime soon, I’ll be able to get out there and go for another run. I’ll get that joy back. It’s not gone. It’s just on hold.
And when I do take that run, I know in my heart I’ll hear the echo of my mom telling people that she was never a runner, so clearly I was adopted.
